Midnight Movie Review - Iron Man 3

Irreverent. Tongue-in-cheek. Flippant.  Smart aleck. And, for once -- my mom will be thrilled -- we’re not talking about me.

We’re talking about Iron Man 3. I saw it last night at an (almost) midnight showing.  I have to say, I liked it a lot. I liked that it had what so many super hero movies are missing these days: humor. Some Han Solo-esque sassiness.

I shouldn’t be surprised. Shane Black penned and directed it. If you don’t know who Black is right off hand, he also wrote and directed the quirky Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – gawd, how I loved that movie; and wrote one of my all time favorites: The Long Kiss Goodnight.  Let’s just say that Shane Black has perfected the art of winking at the audience and uses that skill in full force throughout IM3.

If you want a full review of the movie without any spoilers hit up my pal Dan the Man here. 

I’m not going to go into plot. But basically the question ultimately asked (and answered, literally and directly) here was: who is Iron Man – the suit or Tony Stark? 

Who is Iron Man -- the iron or the man?

Suffering from post-Avengers adventure panic attacks, Robert Downey’s Tony Stark provides us with a beautiful mix of fearful trauma and charming cockiness. He knows he’s brilliant, but faced with real superhero friends he was with last time we saw him – Thor, Captain America, The Hulk –  he has to deal with the fact that when it all comes down to it he’s just a guy in an armor suit.

Or armor suits. As the case ends up being.

Ben Kingsley's Mandarin

And Ben Kingsley’s The Mandarin? Best. Worst. Villain. Ever. Although, I have a feeling a few of my Marvel comic-worshipping friends might throw themselves off the nearest ledge upon viewing this film. Sorry guys.

Although I truly enjoyed the film, I will say the end battle scene never really lived up to its potential. Or maybe there was no way it could live up to the last battle scene in Joss’ Avengers, so it decided it wasn’t even going to try.  Lots of booms, but it never seemed to build. (Plus something horrible happens that ties directly in to Tony Stark’s greatest fears, yet holds zero emotional repercussions later. I found that a bit difficult to swallow.)

The big action problem for me in the final scene was the lack of a true sense of how many bad minion soldiers there really were. One just showed up every time a good guy needed an obstacle to get around.  So we never knew how many were still left to get rid of. Again, lack of build.

Ultimately, time after time, when the good guys’ brawn (suits) would fail – they would have to use their brains to defeat the stronger, faster, meaner opponents.  We get it: you have to fight with whatever weapons you have available to you. And your mind is the most powerful weapon of all.  The best heroes are the smart ones.

Of course, even smart heroes still just straight up kick butt every once in a while. Always quite satisfying.

Do I recommend it? Yeah. Good for kids too. I’ll definitely take my 10 and 9 year old sons to see it – although they’ll miss a lot of the humor. There’s violence, but nothing too scary.

And, as if you didn’t know, stay until the end of the credits. It’s everything I like about this movie.

Oh and case you just need some hilarity today. I love this. Best Iron Man 3 trailer ever.

Midnight Movie Review: Oblivion

What would happen if you took pieces of some of the most beloved Sci-Fi films– 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Matrix, the little Indie gem Moon, Star Wars, Aliens and Independence Day – and blended them all together?

 You’d get what Oblivion was trying to be.

Oblivion is definitely the pieced-together Frankenstein monster of these classics. I felt like I’d already seen 90% of the film somewhere else. Yet I could forgive that and throw it under the label “homage” – because that was no doubt what 30-something-year-old director Joseph Kosinski (of Tron Legacy) intended. He loves Sci-Fi and wanted to show it here. Good for him.

I love Sci-Fi too, so that worked to both of our advantages. If you don’t like science fiction, you’ll definitely want to skip this movie.

You should also know I have no problem with Tom Cruise. I have always liked him as an actor, regardless of his beliefs or couch-jumping antics or the fact that he’s 5’2. He didn’t disappoint me here either. But if you don’t like Tom, you’ll also definitely want to skip this movie.

So we come to the real question: Did I like the movie?  

 Ehhhh….

I must say, it had some pretty big problems:

I'm sorry, minor characters. Who are you, again?

1) Wildly uneven pacing.  

2) Under-developed minor characters that truly could’ve added the needed (missing) heart to the film. Instead we had A LOT of Tom Cruise. And then a little more of him for good measure.

3) Clumsy, over-explanation of what’s going on. We don’t need a front-end narration for what you are then going to show us in the movie. Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. Give your viewers a little credit.

So all those things were a problem. And it made the film drag at parts. (I know this because the guy further in my row would get out his phone in the dark theater to check whatever FB emergency that couldn’t wait whenever the film got a little slow.  His body is now buried in an unknown location). Yes, it definitely had problems.

But visually… [cue sigh of wonder and choir of angels singing]

You had to love Oblivion visually. There was no escaping the visual appeal. I had the opportunity to see it on IMAX, but didn’t. That was a mistake on my part, I’m sure -- it must be breathtaking. Digital prowess at its best.

So DID I LIKE THE MOVIE?  

The best I can give is: Kinddddda. 

It’s not all I had hoped, but I was definitely not as bad as it could’ve been. Faint praise indeed.

Midnight Movie Review - G.I. Joe: Retaliation

I write this with a heavy heart.

The new GI JOE movie sucks.

I went to see the midnight showing (that was actually at 9pm. Remember when you used to have to wait until midnight for a midnight showing of a movie on opening weekend?).  I dragged along my poor friend Andy, since she’s the only one stupid enough who doesn’t have kids and will see these films with me at “midnight.”

Unfortunately, Andy and I are 0 for 3 in our midnight movie viewings. Our other two: The Bourne Legacy and Die Hard 5 were also pretty bad. I keep telling her the next movie we see will be better. But I keep getting proved a liar.

I am pretty much biting my tongue completely off not to give away the hugest of all spoilers in GI Joe: Retaliation. Although to be honest, I wish someone would’ve just told me. I think I could’ve relaxed and enjoyed the movie a bit more.  But probably not much more.

So what’s wrong with the movie exactly? Take your pick: it’s disjointed, bland, and tension-less  -- just kind of big and dumb.  Will my 9- and 10-year-old sons like it? Oh heck yeah. After all, there are lots of fight scenes and raining ninjas and blowing stuff up. (I give it a very soft PG-13, for any parents who might be wondering – it really could’ve almost gone PG)

Palicki's Lady Jaye

But I was hoping for more…. something.  More anything but absurd action. After all, these characters are pretty important to me – I grew up on GI Joe. In South Florida, running around as the only girl in a neighborhood of boys, we played GI Joe all the time. I was Lady Jaye.  I know these characters and love them, but the film? Not so much.

There were some good things about the movie. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson brought his normal charming blend of charisma and swagger as Roadblock. Bruce Willis is gleeful as the original General Joe.  Channing Tatum and D.J. Cotrona are both hot (although Cotrona’s Flint left me pretty cold). Adrianne Palicki played my namesake Lady Jaye with as much flair as could be mustered for a pretty one-dimensional role.

Snake Eyes

And Snake Eyes? Well, he’s got bad-assery down without ever saying a word. Ray Parks communicates all he needs too by leaving the string of dead and unconscious bodies in his wake.  

The bad stuff I’ve pretty much already pointed out. But I would be neglect in my duty if I didn’t mention the mind-numbingly awful performance of RZA from Wu-Tang. He makes an appearance as the “Blind Master” about half way through the film and single-handedly kills all the momentum in the movie. Seriously. Screeching halt.

No kidding, using this toy would've been a better option

Not that the movie had a great deal of true momentum to begin with, but whatever it had was gone by the time RZA finished with his scene.

True Joe fans will be disappointed by this film. They can’t help but be. Non-Joe fans may not care as much. As a silly action movie, GI Joe: Retaliation is not really too bad. But not really too good either.

Now you know.

And knowing is…  well, you know.

Midnight Movie Review - A Good Day to Die Hard

John McClane: You got a plan?

Jack McClane: Not really. I kinda thought we would just wing it. You know: running in guns blazing. Make it up as we go...

Evidently that was director John Moore’s plan too for this newest installment of the Die Hard films: Live Free or… no wait, that was the 3^rd one. Or maybe the 4^th.  This one is called Die Hard With a… no, that was the 4^th one. 

Whatever. Die Hard 5. (The one that doesn’t have any Germans, Samuel L. Jackson or the Apple Guy.)

I saw it tonight at the midnight showing, that was actually at 10:00pm -- how can you have a midnight showing at 10:00??  Anyway, I brought along my midnight-movie-viewing buddy Andy. She had never seen any of the Die Hard films. I'm sad that this one was her first because now she'll probably never watch any of the others.

Yeah, this latest Die Hard is pretty terrible. (Not sure if I should’ve offered a spoiler alert for that statement or not). To be a better film, about 35 minutes of the fluff that permeates the movie needed to be cut. Unfortunately it only has a total run time of 1:38, so I guess fluff was the only option.

It’s really kind of a perfect recipe of badness. You’ve got:

1) A setting in Russia

2) A father/son dynamic

3) A Die Hard franchise.

So take EVERY SINGLE cliché you can think of from each of those ingredients and blend it up. I’ll help you:

Russia: confusing characters (wait, which middle-aged bearded guy is that again?), a singing cab driver who LOVES New York, a bad guy who desperately wants to be fashionable, an obnoxious American who gets mad because the person yelling at him in Russian doesn’t speak English, and… Chernobyl

A father/son dynamic:  Moment of clarity for the son: “Wait, my dad is a generally awesome guy? How did I not see that in my 25 years of fighting with him?” (cut to slow motion scene of saving each other’s lives).  “Let’s go kill some scumbags, son.”

 

Die Hard elements: Blow up as much stuff as possible. Have ridiculously long car chase scenes and drive cars off every possible bridge in the entire country. Blow more stuff up. Push bad guy off top of building.

So you mix up all that above goodness and there you have it:  A Good Day to Die Hard.

Bottom line: The son (Jai Courtney) is pretty good, and there are a couple of almost-clever nods to the other films in the franchise (including Bruce’s yippee ki-yay), but overall it’s not worth the time or money. Wait for it to come out on video. The explosions won’t be so big and loud, but you’ve already seen them in Die Hard 1-4 anyway.