The Agony of the First Draft

So, this is how I've been feeling for the past two weeks, as I've struggled to finish Book #2 in the 4-book Omega Sector Series:

I'm pretty sure I've even looked like that guy in the last few days. But now, with no intent to be sacrilegious whatsoever, I can honestly say: It. Is. Finished.

The first draft, that is.

As I write more (this is the fourth complete novel I've written) I'm beginning to understand more about my personal writing process.

My process evidently involves writing a painful first draft, sobbing the whole time that:

I'm not a "real" writer, 
Nobody understands how hard this really is,
I'm always behind schedule, 
This is the worst book that has ever been written. Ever.
I just want to watch TV!
I have no intrinsic talent,
I'm sure I have permanent spine issues from sitting at this computer for so many hours,
My editor will laugh when she reads this book and burn my contract,
Why am I doing this again? 

All of these things run through my head -- constantly -- when I am writing. Capt Awesome (my poor husband) and a few of my friends take the brunt of the crazy most of the time during my first draft period, making it safe for me to be around other humans.

I reach a stress level while writing every book where I do this laugh/cry thing. I'm overwhelmed with stress but then Capt Awesome says something funny and I just totally lose it: laughing hysterically and sobbing uncontrollably at the same time. It's quite funny and yet very disturbing at the same time.

Just doing my part to make sure my kids have something to talk to their therapists about when they get older.

But then I finish the first draft, and realize that, somehow, everything is going to be alright.

Because once I finish that first draft, I have something to work with. I no longer have a blank screen in front of me, taunting me with it's emptiness -- reflecting my own inadequacies.

Instead I have something that can be molded into, hopefully, a pretty decent story. It may take a bunch of reworking, changing, or even eliminating: but it's never as scary as the first draft.

But if I had stopped and camped out in the hysteria of my own mind during the first draft, then I'd be stuck there. I'd never realize how a first draft can so easily be turned into something actually readable. By other people, even!

But it has to be written first. First drafts are unavoidable.

 I'll try to remember all this next month when I'm back in the throes of the first draft of Book 3. But somehow, I doubt I'll remember.

NaNoWriMo Bits O' Wisdom

NaNoWriMo has begun!

NaNo what? Does this have something to do with that old Mork & Mindy show? Nope. For the uninitiated, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month.   It’s a “seat-of-your-pants literary adventure”! It’s “half literary marathon, half block party!”

Uh, what?

Basically if you’re participating in NaNoWriMo you’re writing a 175-page (50,000 word) book in 30 days.  1667 words (so roughly 7-8 double spaced pages) a day for the month of November. Over 250,000 people participated world-wide last year. If you want to know more about NaNoWriMo, check it out here .

For those of you already in the midst of NaNoWriMo frenzy, why are you here instead of writing??? But since you’re here, I present to you (from the NaNo poster) the most important bits of wisdom about NaNoWriMo :

1. Plot your novel, clean your house, spend time with your family, get caught up at work before November 1.  Ummm…. Okay, never mind. (Note to self, get blog post up earlier…)

2. Your curiosity is a dependable guide; follow it.

3. SILENCE THE INNER EDITOR!

4. The first step in writing a good book: Giving yourself permission to write a bad book.

5. We can do amazing, impossible things when given a deadline, a supportive community, and unlimited access to chocolate & caffeine.

6. Make no mistake, you will be writing a lot of crap.

7. Whatever you think you are, you are more than that.

8. Write first! Ask questions later!

9. They are called rough drafts for a reason. No one gets a novel totally right on the first pass. This is true whether you give yourself a month or a lifetime to write the first draft.

10. 30 days. 50,000 words. GO.

It’s not too late for anybody to do NaNoWriMo, even if you’re hearing about it for the very first time today.  For anybody having doubts, remember this: Novels are written by everyday people who give themselves permission to write novels.

Now go write yours. See ya in a month.