Makes Me Laugh - Parenting Edition

For the past 48 hours, 21 minutes and 19 seconds (but who's counting)  I have had SEVEN (but who's counting) kids under the age of 12 residing at my house. Four dear angels of my own and three borrowed from people evidently smarter than me, because they left town without their kids.

Now they're all gone -- someone else's problem for a few hours. So, I decided to pry my fingers from around this bottle of tequila and post a few parenting funnies that have gotten me through the last couple of days. And twelve years.

If there had been warnings like these around when my kids were babies, they would've ended up in the oven much less often. Instead, I just had to muddle through...

Of course, this never happened.*

I never claimed to be a great mom

To all the parents out there (except my friends who are vacationing at the beach without their little terrors -- you guys can kiss my very tired butt), remember: Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. 

But don't worry, if that "moment" involved you saying a four-letter word in front of your kids -- they're remind you of that "memory" every chance they get. 

 * It was Target

Makes Me Laugh - Coffee Edition

It's Monday morning.

Again.

And I stayed up too late last night.

Again.

These make me laugh. As much as anything can make me laugh on a Monday morning after staying up too late on a day where I have too much to do.

Again.

May the 4th Be With You

Happy Star Wars Day!

It's the one day of the year (as declared by geeks) that it is perfectly acceptable to declare yourself a geek! You knew I couldn't resist me some Star Wars happiness!  So this week's Makes Me Laugh is the Star Wars edition. (For clarification, I am a huge fan of the original trilogy, but not so much the "other" ones.)

George Lucas was my hero as a child.  Not so much as an adult. Every time Star Wars is released it gets worse.

Admit it, we've all been there.

And... scene.

Storyboarding at its finest.

And just in case you ever need to know how NOT to fight in a lightsaber battle. Here's step by step instructions:

May the 4th be with you. Always. Or at least today.

Makes Me Laugh: Running Edition

I wanted to win the lottery, but I kind of didn't want to win. Am I crazy? 

Well,  (as I've mentioned before) I'm talking about a lottery to run a marathon, so either way the answer is: yes, I am crazy. Yesterday I found out I was not picked for the 2012 NYC Marathon  lottery.  It’s not terribly sad considering the NYC Marathon is November 4, and I am scheduled to run a 200-mile relay race in Nevada on November 8-9.   

 
But I was still a little sad. The thought of missing out on: blisters, running hours at a time in the middle of summer, losing toenails, embarrassing chafing skin issues, the fact that all my friends and family think I'm just stupid... well, I had to shed a couple tears.

Good news: this is my strike two in the “Three Strikes, You’re In” policy which has since been eliminated, but I was grandfathered in under. Now I am guaranteed to run the NYC Marathon either in 2013 or 2014. Gonna check that sucker off my Bucket List eventually.

But in light of being rejected by a race, I’ve decided to have a Makes Me Laugh: Running Edition.  Just silliness about running.

To end, thoughts marathon runners have. Alas, I won't be having these thoughts in 2012 while running through NYC...

And the funniest (yet most true) thing I've ever seen depicting how normal people react to marathon training and "that running person" ("You ran 15 miles on purpose?") ("Your legs cramp up very badly and you cannot walk in a straight line for days. You  should try it!"):

Game Over, Man, Game Over! - And Other Marriage Advice

My baby-brother is getting married this weekend! Evidently in Georgia they allow 14-year-olds to get married.  What's that you say? My brother is 36? When the heck did that happen?

Oh, I guess about the time I turned 39...  Eeck.

We all had our doubts about whether QJ would ever take the plunge. Our confirmed bachelor, he is. Er... was. But then he found a gal who stole his heart and a mere five years later... poof: a wedding. (We tried to tell them to take it slowly, but young love... what can you do?)

My brother said an unmarried friend of his future father-in-law explained marriage like this:

All the unmarried guys are sitting on their tropical islands, sipping their umbrella drinks, having lots of fun, and looking out at the ocean...

Where all the married men are on a sinking ship, just trying not to drown. And the married men call to the single men and say, "Come join us! This is a great cruise!"

And the single men... well, the smart single men... just shake their heads and go back to their umbrella drinks.

But not my brother. He has put down his drink, and is swimming out to that sinking ship... er, wonderful institution, that is called marriage.

So, in light of the upcoming nuptials on Saturday, I thought I would post a few items to provide my brother with some advice regarding marriage.

That they totally crack me up is just a bonus. 

Best wishes, baby brother. May your marriage be full of blessings and laughter. May love and kindness always guide your actions. May you always love each other more tomorrow than you do today.

Game over, man. Game over.

Makes Me Laugh - Dog Edition

Our dog and my husband are in an epic battle of wills concerning backyard gate escape (current score: Junie B. Dog - 3, Hubby - 0). My husband has re-configured the fence gate to the point where the kids can't figure out how to open and close it, yet the dog still gets out.

By the way, here was the dog when my kids                 And here she is nine-months and
 talked me into getting her:                                              85 POUNDS later:

So in light of man's best friend being smarter than my entire family, I thought I'd post a few funny dog pics I've seen this week. 

If our dog could talk...

 

Should say, "0 days since I got thru the gate"